Talking to Spiders
by Jarad Johnson
Spiders, in my opinion, are seriously misunderstood creatures (Me and Hagrid are on the same page). They can be beneficial insects, eating other pests both indoors and outdoors. They can also bite you, which is not so great. But hey! You win some you lose some. C’est la vie and all that crap. They particularly seem to like my front porch. There are whole families out there, and I don’t know whether or not to remove them. On one hand, I’d like to be able to sit out there and drink tea, but I would also feel bad. Who are they hurting? Well, insects, but nothing else.
You might be able to tell that I’ve had too much time on my hands. That’s a big ole YEP. I think many people do right now. I recently asked my fridge why it didn’t have any more chocolate. That’s a thing I did! Why? Either my need for chocolate makes me ask stupid questions to inanimate objects, or I have very early onset Alzheimer’s. Maybe it’s both. We’ll know soon enough.
So, all of this leads up to a mildly neurotic conversation that I had with a spider. It was in the corner of the living room, and on this particular day, it was raining. I always catch spiders and put them outside, but because of the rain, I wasn’t going to put a spider out in that. That’s rude, and you don’t want the spiders angry at you. So, I said to the spider, “If you don’t bite anyone, you can stay for now.” The spider and I came to an agreement. We shook legs, or whatever you want to say.
Why am I telling you this? It’s not so that you can tell that a nice long stay at a mental health institution might be of benefit to me. No thank you, their clothes are terrible. It’s to say that if you are also now talking to things and insects and flowers or whatever (pets are not on this because my cats and I have been having conversations for years now, and I think that’s a separate issue all on its own) it’s fine. Don’t worry. Chillax. Enjoy the descent into madness.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little anecdote. And if there are any spiders in your house, say hi! Unless it’s a jumping spider. They’re easily excited.
Jarad recently graduated from college at MTSU, loves tea and coffee, and tries to spend every spare second reading. He is a fervent gardener and is fascinated by all related topics and has spent several years writing about this passion. He has been gardening for 6 years and believes that Nature is our greatest teacher. He majored in English with a concentration in literature and plans to pursue and master’s degree in Ecocriticism.