A Cult Where Everyone's the Leader? Why not

Cartoon Chicken holding book - art by JPC

​Sacred Chickens Cult
Anti-Festo and Personality Quiz
 
Have you ever thought to yourself – wouldn’t it be nice if I had a guru or preacher or authoritarian leader to tell me how to behave, what to think, how to feel and what information I can consume? No? Then you are primed to join our cult. Find our criteria for joining below. This document will serve as both a personality quiz to see how you fit in and a sort of anti-fest to explain what we're all about.

If you join, you can expect writing tips and tools, book recommendations,  an advice column for those with existential or metaphysical crises and more! How do you access all this wonderful stuff? Just check in here on the blog or in our FB group. Watch this space for more ways to connect and our upcoming podcast, Party Bus To Hell.

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How Do I Know if This  Cult Is Right for Me?
Do you…
 

• Think you’d be your own best guru?
• Want to open your interdimensional doors?
• Want to learn about weird things while hanging around other weird people but retain your own opinions and thought processes?
• Think you might be able to dig around in your brain and come up with a world of your own?  Like that time you found five dollars wadded up under the couch cushions next to a fossilized French fry, a lime green crayon and a gum wrapper? Like that? But a whole world in your brain?
• Like writing, or reading, or related creative pursuits?
• Like cats, puppies, chickens, talking skeletons, gardening, or road trips through Hell?
• Want writing tips, and reviews of indie writers and publishers?
• Want advice from an existentially challenged skeleton who's a little on the grumpy side?

 
Then the Sacred Chickens cult could work for you.
 
How can I join? Is there some sort of ritual?
 
Like everything else in this cult, you must figure this out for yourself. Here are some suggestions to get you started. Any of these would qualify as an entry ritual. Or make up your own.
 

• Light an Edgar Allen Poe Candle
• Plant a flower bed 
• Follow a duck for two hours
• Recite nonsense poetry under the full moon
• Make an elaborate house for a frog or mouse
• Blow soap bubbles on a nice spring morning
• Blow your nose after the nice spring morning gets your hay fever fired up
• Lock yourself in a tower and read all your favorite books. Let us know where this tower is and whether there’s a discount for off-season
• Feed the local crows
• Sage your house and rid the air of negativity
• Have an afternoon of expressing all your bad feelings by ranting and raving! This rids the air of  toxic positivity. Then have a nice dinner.

 
 
In short, your ritual for becoming a Sacred Chicken is entirely up to you. The only requirement is to be yourself. Only you know if you’re failing to do that. And honestly, I doubt that you can fail to be you! Even when you are not feeling like you, that’s you becoming more you by assessing whether you’re enough like you. Which only you can figure out! You did it. You're now your own metaphysical guide.
 
The next question you’re asking yourself is, what activities will I be required to participate in? The answer is, of course, none. There are no participation requirements! That’s why this is the absolute best cult!
 
However, if you’d like to participate, here are some activities we recommend
 

• Look for fairies in your yard. Be careful; they bite
• Open a door to an alternate dimension and spend an afternoon there
• Have a long conversation with your cat. (Caveat – don’t discuss philosophy. Somebody will get mad)
• Raise your own chickens
• Plant flowers
• Invoke the spirit of Endora on your next clothes shopping trip
• Start a conversation with a neighborhood ghost
• Look for cryptids
• Write about any of these things and maybe share the results with us. Who knows? We might publish it

 
Do I have to live on a commune? 
 
No. Sadly. I wish we had a commune. If we ever have a commune, you won’t be forced to live there. But wouldn’t it be nice? We could have a communal vegetable garden with picnic tables. A view of the mountains. Everyone gets their own small house with their own garden in the back. Sometimes we watch movies in the common house/studio/kitchen and everyone forms their own opinions then does whatever they want. Of course, it will be haunted. We will raise chickens. We can discuss UFOs over the campfire. There will always be a kettle on the fire...
 
What’s in it for me?
 

• Writing tips, tricks, recommendations for writing workshops, etc.
• Reviews and recommendations for books and music
• Original stories, essays, random thoughts, chicken lore, garden advice, book reviews 
• A trip through Hell in upcoming podcast – Party Bus to Hell
• Pictures of cats
• Pictures of flowers
• Pictures of skeletons with flowers, cats, etc.
  
• The wisdom of Uncle Morty – he will be starting up his advice column again as soon as he’s re-embodied

 
 
So, what do you have to lose? Not much since we don’t charge you. Check this space in the upcoming weeks for more nonsense.