Musings From A Park Bench

Musings From A Park Bench

Jarad Johnson 

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I saw a man in the park the other day claiming that he was God. He was yelling loudly at some park employees looking in a pond for some lost jewelry. “It’s in the treasury!” He proclaimed. “I’m the Lord!” Even the ducks looked perturbed.  

I never know what to do in these situations, except to take my cue from our government and try to pretend it isn’t happening. However, I do remember thinking, “I always thought the Holy Father would be better dressed than that.” Maybe a suit and tie? Or long flowing robes? Even a beard? This was the same day I had car trouble, so perhaps I shouldn’t have judged so harshly.  God would’ve been of more use to me that day If he had been a mechanic, not a screaming man I hurried to avoid. Mysterious ways, I guess. 

​To top it off, it was miserably hot. Stunningly humid, and upwards of 95 degrees. It was the kind of heat that makes you wonder why exactly you like outdoor activities in the first place. Stay inside, where the air conditioning is. Surely, its preferable to baking and sweating to death at the same time. I could always get in the water with the ducks, I suppose.

This is one of the reasons I don’t believe you’ll find God in the south; it’s too close to hell in temperature. And, lately, temperament. Perhaps the two are connected? Heat pisses everyone off. Maybe some of our Senators need an AC unit.  Or a good knock with a cast iron skillet.

Given the current state of things, I’m willing to believe the divine creator is a madman, but who knows? Maybe there is a method to this madness, and maybe something good will come of it.  At least, that’s what I tell myself in the middle of the night. We all must cling to something. Even the man yelling at the ducks was claiming some piece of God.

As the world has been on fire (literally and figuratively) for about six years now, I’m starting to wonder just how bad it can get. Every time I think to myself, “this is it. I have never seen anything this bad and i can’t imagine anything worse than this” the universe decides to show me what’s beyond my imagination. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, and so on and so forth. I really should stop thinking that. Sorry, world. You’d think I’d learn.

At this point, Hell seems to be well and truly empty. It’s gotten so bad that Satan has help wanted signs posted at the entrance of each of the nine gates (I’ve applied but haven’t heard anything back, unfortunately. He supposedly pays very well). But I don’t think he’ll be filling any vacancies anytime soon. I think those in his potential employee pool have taken jobs here. You only have to turn on the news to see that we have devils aplenty; indeed, we have a surplus. We see their horned faces in the supermarket, the churches, and houses of government. One begins to wonder if heaven is empty as well. If so, are they here as well? Waiting on some mysterious signal to start helping?

Oh right. I nearly forgot. Now that I’ve depressed you, this is the part where I tell you something uplifting and cheerful. What about something like “There, there, it’s going to get better.” (If I were standing in front of you, I’d pat your head gently several times for my own amusement, because I’m annoying like that)

So there…….ya happy? Did that help? Of course, In the long run, I believe this to be true. Things will eventually get better. At least, that’s what I hope for. But sometimes things have to be really broken before they get fixed. And these pieces are going to take a very long time to put back together. Could it have been prevented? Uh, duh, Sherlock. All the best tragedies could’ve been prevented. But we can’t get a do-over now. One-way tickets only. And we certainly can’t go back to whatever we thought normal was. Many of our “normals” upheld the systems that caused this shit show in the first place. You want to go back to that because it was comfortable for you, but it wasn’t for everyone. And, controversial though it may be in this day and age, I’m for more rights, not less.

Times they are a’ changing’ and changin’ fast. But for good or ill? I don’t know. “Even the very wise cannot see all ends” (and I’m, like, totally wise. The wisest!)

And, yes, that was me quoting Gandalf. You will read it and you will like it!  I’ve got another for you: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Maybe if I had a white beard and a horse, more people would quote me.
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I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Actions speak louder than words; it depends on how apathetic we are to our own destruction. It’s finals week and we are unprepared, to say the least. As the saying goes, “y’all ain’t got the sense you was born with!” Find some, please. Everything kind of depends on it.

Bio:
Jarad recently graduated from college at MTSU, loves tea and coffee, and tries to spend every spare second reading. He has been a fervent gardener for 6 years and is fascinated by all related topics and has spent the last several years writing about this passion. He believes that nature is our greatest teacher. He majored in English with a concentration in literature and plans to pursue and master’s degree in Ecocriticism. 

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