I have to confess something terrible...this my vegetable garden. I have excuses, of course. I was burned out after all the gardening I did for the wedding the year before. It rained every weekend last summer; I would have needed a scuba suit to go out and weed it. I took a vacation during prime gardening season. I was kidnapped by aliens in July but wasn't able to talk about it because I signed a gag order upon receiving a settlement for emotional distress. I was waiting for the gardening fairies but the cats ate them. We were busy battling motorcycle gangs of marauding zombies here in Fayetteville and we didn't have time to weed the garden. Or...you know...something like that. Anyway... very good reasons.
No matter which excuse you happen to buy, the result for the garden was an almost total devastation by the forces of weeds and thug plants. The middle of the garden is covered in a wide variety of grasses and other weeds and basil that was allowed to seed itself, (there is a black and white cat in the very center as a sort of focal point). If you look to the right of the picture you can see that locust trees and raspberries are creeping in to destroy the cold frame and moving into and under the beds. The locust trees are moving into the compost bin where they will gain super powers and probably begin a march on the house.
After having seen this picture, you might not want any gardening advice from me, but we can learn from the sins of others as well as their wisdom. In fact, that is often the most interesting way to learn and it makes us feel better about ourselves. Go ahead....go look at your yard now, after having seen this picture. You will feel better about your gardening skills.
GARDENING TIP 1: You might want to weed on occasion.
GARDENING TIP 2: Raspberries are horrible thugs that will beat up your beans and tomatoes and take their lunch money. They do make raspberries though, so maybe they are more like a charming con man than a thug. You know, the type that you can't help but love even while you're being abused.
GARDENING TIP 3: Never let your basil go to seed, unless you really, really, really like basil and never want to grow anything else or eat anything else and you don't mind having it grow under your porch and pop up in the barn and possibly sprout out of your hair or your nose at odd moments.
GARDENING TIP 4: Locust trees are a sort of garden super villain. They are covered in thorns and they run 20 foot roots under all of your beds, even the raised beds, and pop out like evil jack in the box clowns, in places you would never expect them. Although at this point, if one popped up in my closet and laughed like the joker, I would not be surprised.
Continue to watch this space for more gardening tips. If all goes the way I plan, you may see me win a massive battle against the forces of nature. If not, I will probably just quietly slink away and just never post anymore pictures of the garden at all.
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